I woke up to a strange girl sleeping on my sofa. I didn’t like strangers in my home but the friend who was staying with me didn’t seem to care who she brought into my home. That’s cause it wasn’t her home. Was she the culprit in all of this?It was the morning after the Playboy Mansion Halloween party, three years ago. I found out Ms Evil was sleeping with the man I love, and his namesake. How crazy! I was disgusted. I had my own reasons for feeling insecure and weak at that time so I just shut down and said nothing as I was signaled to shut up .. by the culprit standing behind a girl sitting before me, who was still a stranger. I was made to listen to a horrible story .. in my own home! I was then told I had no business telling the man I was in knee-deep with, what I had heard. Of course I did. He was someone I loved and cared about! Wouldn’t you want to know?
This was the morning Ms Evil was first introduced into my life.Now, three years later standing across the bar, there she was, being inappropriate with my friend’s boyfriend .. a friend I love, who is stunning inside out. Suddenly the lid blew off and all my emotions where running free. I was not going to sit in the passenger seat of my life. I told my media friend who was standing by me, immediately. What was I going to do?
As a result of not listening to my own intuition, I didn’t say anything and communication dropped off. I got depressed, and took on a day job instead of working on my career. Then I started eating .. I felt miserable. I was beginning to open up to a work colleague, when Ms Evil moved in across the street and recruited him. I felt tormented and overwhelmed. I removed myself from the circle of people I was friendly with but she just kept re-appearing in each phase of my life.
I was not okay. I went to the toilet and guess who walked in next to me? Ms Evil! To my surprise I turned and looked the devil in the eye! I calmly suggested to her to find a man who was single. She was shocked and ready to attack as I walked away. I had said all there was to say. I was done.
Looking back I should have confronted the situation immediately as it happened and nipped it in the bud, instead of second-guessing myself. When I owned it and got my power back I saw things for what they where the culprit was the negative force who brought the drama around for her own benefit. I was no longer angry or confused. Just relieved to regain control of my life. What doesn’t break us makes us stronger.
I’m done with idiot compassion and refuse to ever put up with non-sense.PART II -to be continued..Check in with me daily I will be offering some my personal insight on love.In the meantime, check out my Love Unraveled Trailer at: (http://www.youtube.com/
watch?v=O0UeyuKNh-U )Until next time remember that Love is the Key.
Love
Jacquie Blaze
CONTACT : loveunraveled@gmail.com
Sunday, July 10, 2011
BLAZE BLOGS: MY CHRONICLE TO LOVE: FIGHTING DEMONS.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
BLAZE BLOGS: MY CHRONICLE TO LOVE: THE GREATEST LOVE AFFAIR.
In the past I’ve put others first, and at worst, even idolised men. That got me nowhere, and I was often in a state of grief and pain and had panic attack after panic attack. I decided to take a good hard look at where I was and where I wanted to be. I had to be honest about why I wasn't there yet, which helped me see how I could get there .. now I am on my way.
What held me back was social anxiety and struggle in my career, and allowing myself to be drained by problems that belonged to others. It was like being on the roundabout from hell and each time it got uncomfortable, which was most of the time, I kept reaching for a cigarette.
The friends I thought where nice were not all they seemed. They where totally self-absorbed and that was the looking glass that made me realise that if I really loved myself, which I wanted more than anything, I needed to be happy with me inside and out!
I've gone through this process with beauty, but how was I going to get happy when I didn't have anything I wanted in my life? I didn't have the relationship I wanted, in fact didn’t have anything I wanted for the past few years - a sacrifice I had made for my career. So was it even possible, given my career was still not really established?
I was grateful that I suddenly felt I wanted and deserved to be in “first class”. After all, it’s my own life we're talking about here. There are limited seats in first class. I was trying to fit in everyone - most of whom cared very little about me.
I got clarity on who deserved to be in my life. I am really very blessed and grateful for those people. I didn't feel lonely and half scared to death any more. The fighting had come to an end, finally. I didn't want hedonistic people in my life anymore .. those who were clearly just about themselves. First class was far more comfortable with only a few close friends who all genuinely cared about each other. Also, when you're in first class you can still wander to business class and economy. So when I let go, I actually didn't miss out on anything. Life just became more exciting and more peaceful and a lot more enjoyable. I got to see that at least one person was in love with me .. me.
Love starts with treating myself only with the very best. So, I was not going to harm my body with toxins of any kind. I gave up the feelings of stress and anxiety for making myself feel happy. I've now quit smoking and drinking, and I've quit allowing people to make me their personal assistant and social co-ordinator and am now in control of my own emotions. I quit thinking about men, period. I started really appreciating good men (because they're rare). I quit taking calls from the hedonistic people who I had no business being around. Instead, I started working out and giving to myself. I now have time to do the things which I enjoy, be it expressing myself in this blog, lunching with friends or helping those in need.
Now, I've given myself permission to be honest, not only with myself but with everybody around me. It is my world, and as the designer of my architectural masterpiece, I had every right to design my blueprint however I'd like.
Since, I've started the greatest love affair of all time .. I now know I am truly worthy of having the greatest love story ever.
What held me back was social anxiety and struggle in my career, and allowing myself to be drained by problems that belonged to others. It was like being on the roundabout from hell and each time it got uncomfortable, which was most of the time, I kept reaching for a cigarette.
The friends I thought where nice were not all they seemed. They where totally self-absorbed and that was the looking glass that made me realise that if I really loved myself, which I wanted more than anything, I needed to be happy with me inside and out!
I've gone through this process with beauty, but how was I going to get happy when I didn't have anything I wanted in my life? I didn't have the relationship I wanted, in fact didn’t have anything I wanted for the past few years - a sacrifice I had made for my career. So was it even possible, given my career was still not really established?
I was grateful that I suddenly felt I wanted and deserved to be in “first class”. After all, it’s my own life we're talking about here. There are limited seats in first class. I was trying to fit in everyone - most of whom cared very little about me.
I got clarity on who deserved to be in my life. I am really very blessed and grateful for those people. I didn't feel lonely and half scared to death any more. The fighting had come to an end, finally. I didn't want hedonistic people in my life anymore .. those who were clearly just about themselves. First class was far more comfortable with only a few close friends who all genuinely cared about each other. Also, when you're in first class you can still wander to business class and economy. So when I let go, I actually didn't miss out on anything. Life just became more exciting and more peaceful and a lot more enjoyable. I got to see that at least one person was in love with me .. me.
Love starts with treating myself only with the very best. So, I was not going to harm my body with toxins of any kind. I gave up the feelings of stress and anxiety for making myself feel happy. I've now quit smoking and drinking, and I've quit allowing people to make me their personal assistant and social co-ordinator and am now in control of my own emotions. I quit thinking about men, period. I started really appreciating good men (because they're rare). I quit taking calls from the hedonistic people who I had no business being around. Instead, I started working out and giving to myself. I now have time to do the things which I enjoy, be it expressing myself in this blog, lunching with friends or helping those in need.
Now, I've given myself permission to be honest, not only with myself but with everybody around me. It is my world, and as the designer of my architectural masterpiece, I had every right to design my blueprint however I'd like.
Since, I've started the greatest love affair of all time .. I now know I am truly worthy of having the greatest love story ever.
Check in with me daily I will be offering some my personal insight on love.
In the meantime, check out my Love Unraveled Trailer at: (http://www.youtube.com/
Until next time remember that Love is the Key.
Love
Jacquie Blaze
CONTACT : loveunraveled@gmail.com
Monday, July 4, 2011
BLAZE BLOGS: LOVE NOT FEAR
I'm chicken. I get scared and it's bloody well time for me to get stronger and face the facts of life and take responsibility. After all, my specialisation is love and relationships, and love starts here with ourselves...myself. While it is love to stand up for yourself and raise your finger at the A**hole honking the horn behind you in traffic- the truth is he's honking because an angry dog always gets attacked - just like a scared dog attracts fear.
Can I tell you all something very personal? I've been under a lot of pressure lately. My career is at a stage where what I want is finally possible and I want it so bad that it's scary because at the back of my mind (although I know I deserve it) I don't know for sure what's going to happen. I didn't even realise that life's pressures had got to me until I found myself helpless and at the mercy of an alcohol fuelled anxiety binge. I'm grateful that I was with friends who made sure I got home safe.
Truth be told, I'm still just figuring it out for myself. Sometimes it's better to discuss fear and conquer truth to get to love, then to live in fear and attract circumstances which I don't want.
Check in with me daily I will be offering some my personal insight on love.
In the meantime, check out my Love Unraveled Trailer at: (http://www.youtube.com/
Until next time remember that Love is the Key.
Love
Jacquie Blaze
CONTACT : loveunraveled@gmail.com
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