Blaze Blogs: STOP! "Freaking Out"

I feel like I've been so busy freaking out that I've not been in a space of love. I've recently been through a lot and decided to go see my ex whom I considered "the love of my life" - while I was on a trip home to Australia. " Going Home" as Dr Bonnie terms, is vital to growing in a space of love and sometimes our ex's know us better then our family. We got to talk, laugh and get past "past patterns" to understand what's "really" going on. Well, I obviously was still not getting it because I started freaking out at the new man on the block and my mind, in a zillion horrible directions, couldn't quiet get it together until I freaked out. As women, we often call it hormones, alcohol, crazy men and blame it on everything other then taking responsibility and healing ourselves so that we can get to love.. Now here it was, the same pattern holding me back and this time I was going to send it packing. A helpful hint to all you ladies out there- Do NOT get mad or blame or shame men. I took one breath and thought don't get mad- I suddenly realized I was no longer going to shut down my own heart to make a man feel better when he was totally and utterly out of line with where he was coming from. It was okay to be emotional, after all love is about communicating and sharing vulnerabilities. I had done nothing wrong and didn't disrespect him. Some horrible texts poped up from his end and I was hurt but I now accept that my own " freaking out" was pressing him cause I needed to know how he felt, I needed a label, I needed needed needed.. I needed nothing I couldn't give myself and if he didn't want to see me - oh well that speaks volumes. A man who falls in love shows it, so that was utterly a waste of emotions flying about. We had a huge fight via text, to make matters worse. I finally now get it! I was pushing him away and I won't ever come from that place of being needy that screams of desperation. I remembered who I was in the process, which made me more confident. My lesson was not to act on my irrational self  and emotions but to excersise my control- after all the one thing I do have control over is myself. I've decided the best approach for a situation like this is "to bite your tongue" take a step back, talk to a rational friend about how to proceed- and be cool. Otherwise your just pushing him away. Thanks to my new friend and author of "Stop Looking for a Husband", Marina Sbrochi who prompted this blog.