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Monday, November 7, 2011

BLAZE BLOGS: MY CHRONICLE TO LOVE: Breaking up is hard to do!

"It's not working" .. not what I was expecting to hear on my Birthday, so you can imagine the pain.

Suddenly, there was no trace of him. He was gone like the wind. Only the bad memories and reasons he gave me for leaving plagued my mind. I felt physically ill. I blamed myself and felt like there was something wrong with me, couldn't sleep, couldn't breathe, had headaches. I questioned why, didn't get out of bed for days and I cried non-stop. I couldn't believe it. I wanted to die. My relationship was over.

When we met, I understood what people where talking about when they said "you just know". For the first time I'd really felt that way, except in this case it hasn't had the fairytale ending I had hoped for. I had told him I wasn't ready but he had persisted and won me over. We grew really close, and in fact this was the first time I had become this close with anyone, and now to not have him around was a never ending painful panic attack after panic attack. It felt like salt rubbed into the wound kinda pain! I didn't want to talk to anyone. I just knew I wasn't okay and I couldn't get through this. I didn't know how, as I was in complete denial, but I was hoping he would come back. So I picked up the phone - only to lose control and get angry with him for abandoning me while I was sick, and for the audacity of doing it on my birthday. I had no one without him and I dreaded feeling lonely again. He was my best friend whom I trusted. I felt so disappointed and betrayed. He was the man that I'd waited for all my life. He was the reason I had worked on myself and he was the one that didn't want to come back.

And then, almost as if from one moment to the next it dawned on me - There was no point in wallowing in the depths of despair! Time was not going to heal because I wasn't going to let time dictate my destiny. It was time to grow up and face the truth of what really had happened .. to take control of my emotions once and for all.

Now, I'm only grateful to have met Mr Out of this World Amazing! Thank you for coming into my life to show me love. You have shown me that I am exactly where I want to be.

I'm excited about the future and I now feel ready!

Thanks for reading!


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